The Immigrant Experience & Mental Health
Exclusive interview with Dr. Vinita Menon, Thrive Collective
The theme around February is usually all about love, which ofcourse is a beautiful thing, but here at the Chai Break Podcast, we strongly believe in the transformative power of “self-love”, which essentially teaches us to fill our own cup, so we can show up fulfilled, happy and ready to give, in all of our other roles in life.
If you haven’t already, we highly recommend you listen to our Season 1 episode, where we had an in-depth chaiversation about self love.
During a recent moment of self-reflection, I thought about all the different types of love in our life, from our spouse, children, family, friends — it dawned on me that there is yet another significant kind of love that plays a huge role in the immigrant puzzle, “community love & support”. Watch below and let us know if you resonate with this.
Behind-the-scenes musings….
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Season 3, Episode 5:
Exploring Mental Health & Movement
with Dr. Monica Shah
Dr. Shah and I met through our common love for dance at a local NYC meetup group. A Bharatanatyam dancer with complimentary work in diverse movement forms, she has performed as both a soloist and guest artist in dance productions across Toronto, Vancouver, Montreal, Ottawa, and New York. Dr. Shah is currently creating dance work to highlight and normalize mental health issues and is involved in initiatives that use the arts in healthcare to promote social justice.
We discuss what it was like growing up with dual identities as Indian-Canadian, navigating cultures with completely different approaches as a society, AKA individualistic vs collective societies among other things.
Listen to our full ☕️ #chaiversation below and let us your 💬thoughts about the episode!
🗞NEWSLETTER EXCLUSIVE: ☕️Chaiversation with 👩🏽⚕️ Dr. Vinita Menon
We sat down with Dr. Menon for an insightful conversation about how she helps individuals find community and connection while staying true to who they are.
Through every aspect of Vinita's life (parent, immigrant, friend, coach and psychologist), she has learned that everyone needs and deserves community, but you can't sacrifice who you are to get it. Trading the parts of you that are the most special won't actually get you where you want to be.
1. What are some common cultural barriers that prevent South Asian Indian immigrants from seeking mental health services?
A lot of the barriers start with the mindset or bias within us. We might feel that mental distress is a sign of personal weakness or lack of effort.
We try to preserve our egos and blame situations or other people as the cause of our distress. If it’s a systems issue or a situational one, we could wonder how individual coaching or therapy could possibly help.
A lack of understanding of what actually happens in a coaching or therapy session is also to blame. There is a lot of mystery around what sessions feel like, what’s discussed, and what we can expect from the experience. It’s not always what it looks like on tv or in movies!
Fears about privacy also put people off. If you go to a psychologist’s office in your community, what if you run into someone you know? The potential discomforts and fears about the unknown get in the way of getting help.
2. How does stigma surrounding mental health impact the willingness of South Asian Indian immigrants to access mental health resources?
Stigma is a huge factor, and it shows up in so many ways. Imagine if you are finally seeking coaching or therapy and you go to a party, and someone is joking and using terms like “crazy,” and say that therapy is for delicate, weak-minded people, etc. It’s easy to see how that can leave you feeling vulnerable and ashamed. In my practice and via education, I strive to reframe that.
It takes a significant mental, psychological, and emotional shift to be your most authentic self. Since it goes against the grain of how we were raised and what was reinforced.
“Fitting in, blending in, assimilating, going with the flow”; these are all ways that we’ve been taught to live, and survive, but we have to remember we cannot thrive by going down this path. Doing so comes at a massive cost to our identity and confidence.
South Asian Indians come from a collectivist culture. In the US, we are merging with a more individualistic one. There are ways to blend a traditional heritage and background into a more modern, integrated mindset.
3. Based on your professional research, what are some misconceptions within the South Asian Indian community that contribute to the underutilization of mental health services?
I grew up in the US. By default, I’m uncomfortable talking about myself or asking for something I need. Why? My parents, who emigrated to the US in the 70s, showed me that in order to survive, let alone succeed, you just “do it” more than you “say it”. They believed that showing up and doing hard work would get seen and rewarded. There was no value placed on self-promotion. In fact, they viewed it as a lot of hot air; self-absorbed and unnecessary. I also saw them become very successful. So, from an early age, I connected those two concepts.
It took a lot of searching and more than a few tears to figure out and forge my own path. These were core beliefs engrained in me that took a whole lot of unlearning. It was hard but critical work to create that bridge between how I was raised and the world in which I was expected to succeed.
Research suggests that I am not alone in my experience. An over-emphasis on self-reliance, not asking for what you need, valuing privacy, and being perceived as strong, often come at the expense of getting help
Feelings are signals about our actions. Our cultural background and our lived experiences help us interpret those signals. Consider this common sequence of experiences. A person’s lack of confidence and high internal stress can often lead to feelings of guilt and shame when we interact with people. A rigid adherence to social rules and definitions of "good" or "bad" thinking can cause members of community-oriented cultures to have high levels of anxiety. Life in a highly individualistic society that values "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" and "knowing yourself" can exacerbate anxiety.
The thing about guilt and shame (internalizing those bad actions as our identity) is that these emotions involve interactions with people and society. And, like anxiety, it’s ok to have a mix of these feelings. Your guilt says that you have a moral compass, care for others, and a heart. Your shame shows a level of insight into social cues and expectations. Finding a way to notice the feelings of guilt or shame, take actions that honor our core values, and engaging with the culture we live in is the path toward a more integrated, modern mindset. Coaching or therapy provides a safe space to sort things out, build your bridge between cultures, and change your perceptions with compassion and support.
4. In your experience, what strategies or initiatives are most effective in addressing mental health stigma and increasing access to services among South Asian Indian immigrants?
I’ve had success with my clients when we start with identifying their core values. For this approach to work, having a nuanced cultural understanding of the various challenges that Indian women in the diaspora face is key. This ensures that you receive culturally sensitive and relevant guidance to your specific circumstances.
My clients are often worried about their families' judgment and criticism if they see them reaching for their dreams. Family members might accuse them of putting their wishes over the family’s.
Finding effective ways to advocate for yourself when you’re feeling overlooked or ignored and identify the decisions that are yours vs. your family’s. Then, you can find ways to make “stop, think, and choose” as easy as just going with the flow.
5. What are some ways to make topics like mental health and getting help more approachable for the South Asian Indian community?
Our words are the first thing to change if our goal is to make mental health support more approachable and accessible. We need more people to share their experiences.
For example, I’ve heard it phrased that people are afraid that they or their children will become “too Americanized”. The truth is that we are all changing with every experience we have living within a multicultural society. Experimenting, trial and error, and finally, integration are core parts of the social acculturation process. We need access points and public conversation by people at all points in the acculturation process, whether it is the voice of a new immigrant or a second or third-generation one.
We also need to be aware of the difference between the language of “me” vs. the language of “we.” I hear this mix-up a lot during conversations with my clients. I ask them, “What narratives have you been taught or told? What narratives do you need to shed that no longer serve you?” All of these experiences are rooted in your beliefs about yourself. Those beliefs come from your culture and your family first, but they don’t end there. It’s time to take that origin story and make a plot twist!
📝PS: You can learn more about her on coaching program for Indian women or contact her therapy practice at www.mythrivecollective.com.